watching you


So. I'm sure anyone locally has heard that Sony Ericsson is shutting down in RTP. This means that in the next 6-9 months (or year if the severance package is good) J needs to find a job, unless he can land a relo job with Sony Ericsson.Which would mean we'd be moving away from friends and family to live in a very expensive shoe box. The unfortunate thing - for Jason's work, and mine, the shoe box seems to be a better long term plan. If there's further layoffs, or if I were to get laid off there's more job opportunities over there than in Raleigh. Not to mention that J's area of expertise is in handset interface and sub-level coding - not high in demand here, however over there he would not only be working with people he already knows and that appreciate his work, he'd be working on android phones. Which is the telecommunications wave of the future. And he'd be working within a short distance from EA games, Google, and about a billion other firms that would be able to appreciate quick code done right.

And if we had to move I'd be okay with that fact, but it's really unnerving to be dealing with a huge life-altering announcement without also having any further knowledge of the options available to us. I feel like 6-9 months is already cutting a cross country move pretty close - we have a house, and at least one car which we would need to sell before we go - IF we go. I can't make plans, I can't secure an apartment, look for a job of my own, get up with the vet and make sure the cats are good to travel - discuss feline transport options (Oh god, please don't make me have to drive 3,000 miles with Molly wailing in the back seat) or any of this critical stuff without knowing for sure WHAT we're doing. And frankly, all of that is moot if J can't secure a job there. And then there's a whole different set of issues that I'll need to worry about. Like, is 6-9 months enough time to pay down our debt (there's not much, but if we're going to be living off of my salary, we can't have ANY at all, and we'd need to seriously consider some of our expenses that are "excessive", like a second car, internet, cable, ballroom dancing or electricity), pay off a car, and save up money in case J can't find work?

I'd like to say that I 'm sure we will be fine, and of course, we probably will be. That doesn't assuage my fears, however, and I've spent the last 24 hours one breath away from a full scale panic attack. I would feel so much better if there were a concrete set of dates by which I would know what's going on, but as it is nobody seems to know what is going on.

So.. there. that's off my chest. Kind of.
Gibby Cluck


Someone I know, and to whom I will never again speak is going through a family crisis. I want to do something, help, apologize, be a shoulder, and a family friend. I want to bring non-hospital food, do laundry, scrub bathtubs and draw baths. I want to insist on sleep, on self-care even in the face of this emergency. I hope someone is doing all those things. I hope the family remembers that this is out of their hands, and that no bullying anyone will make it go away. I hope they realize that the person in limbo at this very moment will be dreaming of them, at their best, and be forgetting them at their worst.

I want to be the anonymous voice of mercy that says "I hope he recovers quickly and fully or is given a peaceful respite."

Because I can't or won't expose myself to this person and their toxicity, I won't - and, yes, this makes me feel terribly selfish. I hope the rest of the family is sheltered from the worst outbursts and hurtfulness, and are given the dignity of worrying, grieving, and holding their breath in quiet and peace.I hope the food, book, and flower bringers, launderers, bath attendants, and shoulders to cry on understand how very precious their help is, and how very real their comfort is, even if the recipients are too numb to express this fact. And I hope they won't feel badly when they cannot call up the words to express it if it does come to mind, or feel obligated to do so.

I'm praying in my own little way for wholeness and tenderness, for doctors that are caring, cells that are healing, and hearts that are not too heavy to bear.

<3 Denise
watching you

Shelf Stable Tofu

So shelf stable tofu has a use by date(Like december or november, I think - I don't have it handy...).. but it's hermetically sealed, and all.. does this actually go bad?? I'd like to use it but I have no idea what it would look like or smell like if it were bad. O.o
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watching you

*eyeroll* Sea Kittens....

C'mon PETA ... Sea Kittens? Really?

For those that don't know - PETA thinks that calling fist - well, what they're called - fish. is giving those critters a bad rap.
yep. Fish aren't fish. They're "Sea Kittens" now. don't be eating the Sea Kittens!

This sort of insanity is .generally ignorable. And yes, I've ignored sea kittens (the name, not the fishies) for a while.. Because it's just that dumb. That is until my gmail account started spamming me sea kittens as my sponsored link of the day.


(I'm tempted to go out and have some sea kitten for lunch. And share it with my land kittens. :P
watching you

My one christmas wish.

This year I found a little friend that was saving himself just for me, and I know it's dorky to write that about a cat, but i can't imagine how I would have gotten through one of he roughest (if rewarding) years of my life without him.
My little guy is such a ham, and he makes me laugh every day. And I wouldn't have Mustard without Hobbes House.

So, if you're inclined to give me a gift - a tchochki or a gift certificate, I'd much rather you take that money and invest it in a locally run pet rescue (like Hobbes House) so they can save an animal that is waiting for the purrfect family.

If you are inclined to get my kitties a present, I assure you they are well taken care of with presents under the tree, and stockings hung with care. They will not miss the (appreciated but uneaten) cat treats you will inevitably purchase for them, or the catnip that I will not sprinkle on the carpet because I don't want to vacuum it.

Donate money in my name to a rescue of your choice (or in the name of Colonel Mustard, Pig, and Molly) and write me about it in a card. It will mean more to me than the CD that I will forget I own in a month.

So- if you like, please send checks to

Hobbes House Feline Rescue
4057 Ridley Field Road
Wake Forest, NC 27587
watching you

Ignore this little spate right here. Or Critique.

This has been careening about in my head for a day or so - I had to let it out to play and ensure that I have nothing to write for nanowrimo.But here's the start. I hope it's not some pastiche, if it is it's entirely unconscious. (i'm aware that the end of the scene is a copout. I just don't have the energy to get into what's on the other side while I'm at work.)


I couldn't stand the stench anymore-

That sour smell of too many unwashed bodies, coupling with stale air and the sickly sweet scent of putrefaction. We were stuck, crammed together like so many casks of aging wine or caskets of the dead in the northern winter - the ground frozen line the stone beneath us, too hard to shovel through.

We weren't dead yet, but as food stores ran slim we all worried, some hysterically, some meticulous in their rationing - what would we do then? There was fresh air somewhere, for though the air was thin and noxious, we could breathe - raw lungs heaving laboriously with panic. Everyone was petrified like the cave around them, squatting in their own filth, despairing. Everyone but me. My muscles popped with the need to run, to move, to do something other than sit in that place. My lungs heaved from the exertion of doing nothing, my heart pounded, and my fingers twitched.

The shale slid and skidded under my feet as I catapulted through the chamber, jumping, scrabbling for an opening in our stone prison. Stone raked against ribs with a sickening scrape and crunch - I'd underestimated the jump in the dark. Sweat poured down my body as I struggled to heave myself up on the ledge, slickening my hands and stinging my scrapes. I heaved myself up on the cool ledge, gasping from the thin air, strain, and sharp stabbing pain and meaty smell from my side.

How inconvenient, I thought distantly as the earth spun around me, crashing to a halt as I blacked out.

Feh. Politics. RANT AHEAD.

I've just finished reading an article regarding the opening of the Democratic Convention, wherein fully half of the article relates how democrats feel that Obama slighted Hillary Clinton in not offering her the Vice Presidency. It also included delegates that proclaim that they will vote Hillary in the primary's, but vote for Obama because "they are good Democrats." This is to me a very strange line of thought. You are not a good dog, who is sitting because you are a good dog, or a child being still for their shots, because they are a good child.

This is about choosing a candidate that best represents YOU.
Your thoughts, your needs, and your aspirations.

Y'know, I'm planning on voting for Obama, and yes, I hope he wins, so I know I should be thankful of the sheep that do what they're told and don't question how it's going to impact their life. But really, what I want is for people not to be voting for someone because they like their personality, or because they like their hair, the way they dress, their age, race, or gender. THE WAY SOMEONE LOOKS DOES NOT REFLECT UPON THEIR BELIEFS. Neither does the title they wear. Actually reading up on that candidates position on the things that you hold dear - that is what makes you a good Democrat, Republican, Independent, or wait - just a good American.

I feel sorry for all the no-collar trailer trash that votes for republicans because they like guns. Sure, they do. But if those people ever aspire to have more, or be more, the republican party is not their friend. There again - Ron Paul - former republican, flash in the pan candidate - HE would have been a great representative of those people because he really did want what was best for the Americans that couldn't get better work because they couldn't afford more education. He stood for higher wages, more American jobs, and cheaper education. But he didn't have the name-tag calling himself republican anymore. Aw damn.

Also - the forefathers of his country weren't baptists. They weren't even, for the most part, what you could call Christian in this day and age.  They were most of them Deists. In particular, Franklin (who was not a president - omg, people don't realize this.) believed that if God created the earth, that was well and good, but God also just left it to do it's own thing and didn't give a damn what happened to it. So, voting Republican because they're the Grand Ole Party, wanting to get back to the roots of this country - I'm looking at you, Religious Right - isn't really voting for God back in your life, schools, or whatever. that's why our forefathers wrote for separation of church and state.  And did you know that the Republican party of today used to be the extremists in the times of our forefathers?

Being a Republican has changed in meaning so much that not even the Republicans know what it means anymore, and the same goes for the Democrats. So voting for whichever candidate because they're your affiliation and that's what a "good" your affiliation here would do is not only ignorant, it's irresponsible.

Please, do vote. But at least know what the hell you're voting for.
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